so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my poor anus
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
