my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
