he shaved USA in his pubs
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
did you just send me my own nude
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
