I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
