Did you just see the Batmobile???
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
