Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
