Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
