My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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