Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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