Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
