Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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