around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
