I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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