I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
