I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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