So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
