She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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