Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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