So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
