my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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