Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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