I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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