they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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