he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize