tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
