my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
