I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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