I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
