he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
