Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sext me about skeletons
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm always down for nudity.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
