I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
