Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
