Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
