You smell like a Billy Joel song
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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