I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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