You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
