He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
