I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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