put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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