they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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