i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
