Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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