I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
