Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
