Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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