I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
