I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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