Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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