I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
sick fucks of a feather flock together
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
