I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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