Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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