Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
