when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I believe in your delicious
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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