The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
