Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
