I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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