'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
