i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
