I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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