C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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