Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
