There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
