Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
