Cold hands, warm shart.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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