look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
