Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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