I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
